Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
