So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
