Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
