I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
