Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
