so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
operation harelip BJ is a go
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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