I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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