So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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