Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
