No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
