is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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