hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It was confusing and full of hummus
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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