Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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