I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
