YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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