I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
