I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
