I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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