The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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