just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
