i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
