weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
