I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
