so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
