I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
