May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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