I'm so fucking centered right now
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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