I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
