the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
