dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
