He disabled his match.com account in front of me
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
