After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
