I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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