I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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