have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
