One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
