She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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