I skipped work to stalk him.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
