Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
