i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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