Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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