Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize