the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
