How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Small penises have feelings too.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
