Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
