The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
