I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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