Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
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The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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