Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
