just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
