So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
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He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
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you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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