that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
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I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
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This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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