Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
