guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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