i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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