Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
