Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
