Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
