So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
