U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
