Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
