i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
