A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
