Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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