so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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