Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Randomize
