He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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