I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
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