Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
