we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
