Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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