I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
