everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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