I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
