Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
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Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
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Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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