I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Terrible idea I love it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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