I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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