Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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