Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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