Only a mothe r could love this liver
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
