no, he came in my armpit
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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