Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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